you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
