I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
