I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
