I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
