Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
