I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
