apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
