i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
