you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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