Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
