Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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