Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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