Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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