If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
