people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
