No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
