1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
