The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He shit in the fireplace
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
