I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
