I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
