this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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