Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
