Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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