also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize