She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize