I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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