Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
