I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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