yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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