U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
