He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't turn off my feet"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
