I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize