I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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