all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
