just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
