Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
