Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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