Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
