why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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