some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
