Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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