there's paper in my vomit.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
