i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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