and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
