The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I touched a dick in church today
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
