ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
