Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
