This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
