She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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