i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize