nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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