Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize