Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
