I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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