I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is the high leading the old right now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
