guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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