its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
