Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
