note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
