soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
