he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
