remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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