I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
