So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
third nipple confirmed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
