SEEEEXXX PLEASE
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
false alarm, still single
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize