I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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