I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
