You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
